- In elementary school I dated a very nice girl who was a Girl Scout. And she was so adorable, with the little pig tails and all. And she says to me, “How would you like to buy some cookies?” And I said “Well, what kind do you have?” She had thin mints, graham crunchy things, raisin oatmeal, and I said “I’ll take a graham crunch. How much will that be?” And she looks at me and she says, “…Uh I need about $3.50.” Well, it was about that time that I notice that girl scout was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era. Damn loch ness monster.
- verily I say unto you, no prophet is accepted in his own country but I tell you of a truth, many widows were in israel in the days of elias, when the heaven was shut up three years and six months, when great famine was throughout all the land
- What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
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